So My Math Teacher Was Eaten By A Pokemon
by The Pinball Wizard
Summary: I stared in absolute horror as the lone Houndoom clawed at the insides of my math teacher. It tore fiercely at the flesh, and swallowed a chunk of his intestines. While all the other kids were screaming all I could think was… “Resident Evil”- minus the
1. Vs Celebi

_So… My Math Teacher was Eaten by a Pokemon…_

By: The Pinball Wizard & Bring Your Own Kites

**Disclaimer: **C'mon. We don't own Pokemon, you should know that… or do we?

**Ownership: **Jonas Murphy…is…ours…

**Summary: **I stare in absolute horror as the lone Houndoom claws at the insides of my math teacher. It tears fiercely at the flesh, and swallows a chunk of what appears to be his intestines. While all the other kids are screaming all I can think is… "Resident Evil"- minus the zombies, replaced with man-eating Pokemon.

**Vs. Celebi **

_"My name is Jonas…and I'm carrying the wheel."_

_-Weezer_

Blue.

Damn. It's so blue it's almost not funny. Just a vast wasteland of that…blue…stuff. And for some reason like always I'm wearing the same thing. Black Addias track pants with white lines running down the sides, a blue and white stripped sweatshirt along with a pair of black sandals. My hair is the same too… Brown, scruffy, seriously needs a hair cut… Sadly my boring brown eyes and obnoxious freckles don't change either.

I'm not alone either. I'm being harassed by…some Pokemon. Yes, you heard me correctly. A Pokemon. It's floating around my head…but it isn't saying anything. It looks sorta like a sea monster or one of those swimming Chao things from Sonic. It's a light green color that slowly fades to white or vice-versa. Its blue eyes are surrounded by black eye shadow or something similar to that. What was its name again…? I can't remember. Something with an… Oh c'mon…what was it? E? No… S? Yes, S. Wait no! C! Definitely C! Celebrate… Clergy… Celery? Aha! Celebi!

"It's time," The Celebi finally says.

"Time…for…what?" I ask hesitantly. A sudden rush of fear sweeps over me. I already know what's going to happen. It always ends the same. Even if I want things to end differently… somehow it all plays itself to end like…well…you'll see momentarily.

I watch as the Celebi floats towards…well…more blue. It lingers around in one area for a single minute. I kind of wonder what it does for that minute. I really can't see with it that far up.

"The end." I hear the Celebi whisper.

"The end?" I repeat.

Just then, a black spike breaks through the earth and pierces through my chest. Blood gushes out of the brand new cavity. I cough out a shit load of blood. I stare at the black spike in horror, then I turn my attention to the Celebi. It's floating in front of me, smiling. Smiling is never a good thing, apparently. It puts its hands…or whatever it has on my head and…

"CRACK!"

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I scream, sitting up. I immediately feel for my chest to make sure that I really didn't just get a spike propelled into my heart.

Good. No hole. Check. No creepy Celebi either. Check.

This is the eleventh time in a row that I've had this nightmare… I don't know why either. Maybe it's some deja-vu shit? Like I said I don't know. Twelve days ago I finally decide to stop being a rebel against the new Pokemon games…so I got Pokemon Diamond. So sure…maybe the whole Celebi killing me fits into the whole game thing. _But seriously… _Am I really deathly afraid of some…fictional character? This is just lame on so many different levels. I'm overreacting… Seriously… It's not like Celebi's going to fuckin' come out of my DS and slaughter everyone in my town…right? RIGHT!?

I hear footsteps echo from down the hall. I quickly lie back down in fear that mother is coming to check on me. I throw the blanket over my face.

"Jonas?" My mom whispers as she opens the door. Light floods my room signaling that she has flipped the switch. "Eh? Sleeping? What's with this kid?" She sighs deeply and turns off the light. The door clicks shut behind her.

Honestly I can't tell my mom- a game designer for Game Freak- that her second youngest son of 18 years is having re-occurring nightmares about a character from one of the games she helped designed. They'll all make fun of me; Dad, Noah, Flint, and Elizabeth. And not just for a couple of days or months. When I'm 40, they'll be all like "Hey, Jonas. Do you remember that one time you told mom that you were afraid of that one Pokemon?" and I'll just groan. Then my own damn kids will laugh at me.

They're just dreams, right…? They'll go away sooner or later. If not… I may have to burn my Pokemon collection… Aww man… I don't want to do that…

**End Chapter One**

_The Pinball Wizard: _Uh…yeah… This dream was an actual dream of mine… It was pretty damn freaky. And yes, I did just recently buy Pokemon Diamond. It actually…kinda…sucks… But Volkner, man. He's one awesome dude. Obviously this was just an introduction chapter… It was kinda short I know. The next one will be longer, I promise. Check out my other fics if you like this one. Until then…PEACE!

**Next Chapter: Vs. Houndoom**


	2. Vs Houndoom

_So… My Math Teacher was Eaten by a Pokemon…_

By: The Pinball Wizard & Bring Your Own Kites

**Disclaimer: **C'mon. We don't own Pokemon, you should know that… or do we?

**Ownership:** Jonas Murphy…is…ours…

**Vs. Houndoom**

"_Why things are getting so strange. I'd hate to tell you everything I see."_

_-Sweet (Ballroom Blitz)_

I rub my eyes viciously as I walk to my car. I only managed to get…what? Two hours of sleep total. Probably not even two hours. Obviously my body was too afraid to go back to sleep after the whole nightmare with Celebi… Remind me to burn my games later.

"Jonas…you do realize your walking into the car, right?" I hear Flint say.

Ooooooh. That's what that is… "Yeah, why?"

"Just making sure…"

"Hey, Flint?" I ask, turning to face my brother. He basically looks like me…but with a lot more facial hair. He's putting his keys into his car. How come Flint has an f'ing Mustang and I have a shitty old Scooby Doo Van? I swear! My parents play favorites. As a matter of fact I'm their least favorite child.

"What Jonas?" He raises an eyebrow to me.

"Can you…drive me to school?" I ask, yawning.

"Catch the bus."

"I'm claustrophobic, remember?" I remind him.

"Ask Beth," He says closing the door of his car and letting the windows down so he can hear the rest of what I have to say.

"But Beth is going the complete opposite way of the school…"

"Ask Noah."

"Noah's in second grade, dumbshit."

"Doesn't hurt to ask…" He smiles.

"Funny," I roll my eyes.

"Just get in already…" My brother sighs.

* * *

"It's the end of the world as we know it," I sing to my brother for the eight time, "It's the end of the wor-"

"SHUT UP!" Flint snaps, punching me in the arm. We nearly swerve in front of incoming traffic.

"Aww, you're just mad cause the world's gonna end today…" I giggle, trying to sound as girlish as possible.

The car comes to a stop. Argh! Damn Five Corners and it's long ass red lights!

"That's such bullshit. You can't possibly believe that the world is going to end today."

Yup, today is December 21, 2012! It's the end of the world… as we know it! Well, supposedly it's the end of the world. I'm still alive now so I'm beginning to doubt that the world's ending. I kinda picture the world ending on… I dunno… a rainy day?

I just shrug.

"It's the end of the world as we know-"

"GET OUT OF MY CAR!"

* * *

"Jooooooonnnnnnaaaaassss!" My best friend Roland Cavangh yells once I enter our first period class of the subject I dread the most- Math. He has short, spiky brown hair, that for some reason seems a little red today… His eyes are a dark blue color. He's wearing track pants similar to mine. Well, we're both on the track team, so what can I say? He's also wearing red t-shirt with the words "Zombie Repellent" hovering over a shotgun of some sort. He's taller than most of the people on our team, including me.

"What, Roland?" I snap.

"Hey, hey. Someone clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" He shakes his head.

"Woke up?" I laugh, "I wouldn't consider two hours of sleep sleep at all…"

"Tough, man! Because _we _have a meet today! Against our rivals- Sachem East!" He throws his hands into the air enthusiastically. "Gotta be pumped up!"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say…" I groan as I walk over to my desk. I literally throw myself into the seat right in front of Mr. Hemmingway's desk. I lay my head on my cold hard desk. Maybe I can get a few winks before the bell r-

""

Fuckin' bell.

A few stragglers dash into the class taking their seats almost immediately, so the man doesn't have a heart attack about being a few seconds late. Ugh, this guy just pisses me off so damn much. I hate being even within thirty feet of the stupid mother fucker. And you know what makes it worse? I have him for two periods in a row. Just because I loathe this class so much, it goes by so damn slow.

"Take out last nights homework!" Mr. H yells as he walks into the classroom. Yes, come in whenever you like. I don't care.

I flip open my notebook to last night's homework. All 50 fucking questions! I spend about five or six hours everyday on homework. I hate AP! I hate this stupid invention called Math. No. I hate school. That's what I hate.

Whoa… Is it just me or is everything mad blurry?

I wipe my eyes.

Oh, Jesus Christ. I need to go to sleep. Fuck Math.

I lay my head back on the desk and close my eyes.

_Blue. Oh god, no. _

"_It is time…" Celebi says._

"_You're going to kill me again…aren't you?"_

"_At least you know," It grins. _

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I scream sitting up.

"Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Murphy…" My teacher says tapping the edge of my table with his pen.

"Pleasures…mine…" I pant, running my hands through my hair. I hear stifled giggles erupt from the class.

"Quiet the smart ass aren't we?"

"Perhaps, sir," I reply. I can't even take a simple nap without seeing that shit!!! What the fuck!?

"Then would you like to do number one on the board for us?" He asks, smirking.

"I'd _love_ to sir. Just for you," I reply standing up. I grab my book and step around my prick of a teacher.

"Ah. Ah. Ahh," He waves his finger in front of him. He snatches my book away from me. Just great.

"Can I have a calculator then?" I ask. I don't really care if he makes me look like a complete idiot in front of the entire class. Then once he's done I can attempt another nap. I don't even care if he kicks me out of class for the day either. Ahah. If I curse him out, I'll have the grand opportunity to go to ISS, then I can try to nap all day with my occasional "AAHHHH!".

"No, I thought you were beyond a calculator!" He snickers.

"Oh, yes. Silly me," I roll my eyes.

I stare at the problem on the board like it's got twenty heads. What the hell is that? Is that even the first question? No! No, it isn't. That son of bitch.

"Can't do it," I shrug.

"Really and why is that?"

"Enlighten me, please. Y'know on why you think that is instead of asking me a million questions," I snap. God. So fucking annoying. I just want to slap him- not even just once. Like eight times. Maybe even a hundred.

"Well, I think it's because you haven't done the right homework assignment."

"Nooooo really?"

"Actually, the problem on the board isn't last night homework," Some kid with a dark blue beanie says.

"Shut up, Newman. I was talking to Mr. Murphy here."

"More like picking on him."

"Really, Mr. Newman, would you like to join Mr. Murphy up here?"

"I guess, if he doesn't mind a little company," The kid says.

I honestly start laughing.

"You think this is funny?"

"Pfft…yeah…" I can't help it. This whole situation just went to hell in hand basket when that kid started talking. Ah…

"RRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

Was that a dog?

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!"

Yep. Dog. But where-

"Oh my god! What the fuck is that!?" Someone screams pointing at the door.

I slowly look over at the door.

Holy…shit…Am I dreaming? Is that…?

"Is that a fucking Houndoom!?" Roland screams, scrambling out of his seat.

Took the words right out of mouth. A Houndoom stands in the doorway staring directly at me, the closest target. My god, it looks absolutely hideous in person. The bones that frame it's ribcage on the outside of it's body are stained with something red- and I'm guessing it's not cherry Kool-Aid…

And then it lunges.

"OH MY GOD!" I scream clambering out of the way.

"!!!!!!" Mr. Hemmingway's shrills pierce the air. I trip over some kid's backpack and smash into the floor.

Suddenly screaming just erupts throughout the room. I get to my feet and turn around to what the fate is of my math teacher.

I stare in absolute horror as the lone Houndoom claws at the insides of my math teacher. It tears fiercely at the flesh, and swallows a chunk of what appears to be his intestines. While all the other kids are screaming all I can think is… "Resident Evil"- minus the zombies, replaced with man-eating Pokemon.

Some kids take the opportunity to flee the classroom through the door from the entryway. Others open the windows and jump out. And a good majority of us just stand there, screaming.

"Jonas! Don't just stand there!" I hear Roland shout over the screaming.

I can't help but think of Celebi as I'm running towards my friend. Am I going to fucking die at the hands of a Celebi?! Oh my god! This is bullshit! And I'm even wearing the clothes I'm supposed to die in too! What the fuck!?

"Um, d-don't look now…" Some nerdy kid with huge glasses says, "But it think it's noticed us."

I turn around to see the Houndoom charging at me. "OH SHIIIIIIIT!" I grab someone's string backpack and swing at the bloodied Pokemon's face. It impacts sending the Houndoom off of its feet.

"Someone grab the fucking flag pole!" I scream as the Houndoom comes back for round two. I hop onto a nearby desk to escape the Houndoom. It smashes into the desk that I'm in and I nearly lose my balance and fall into it's clutches. Lucky for me, Roland catches my hand and pulls me forward.

"Catch!" Some girl with one of those "Hollow" Necklaces from Bleach yells tossing me the flagpole. I catch the flagpole. Roland kicks the desk into the Houndoom and the beanie kid shoves the desk on the other side of it into it. We trap its head.

I stare at it. It yelps trying desperately to get free from the desks. I need a cool catch phrase. I mean everyone has their cool badass catch phrase when they kill they're arch-nemesis or something. Something that will stand out. Something that will be remember when this day goes in the history books. Ahah!

I raise the flag and charge at the Pokemon. "THIS. IS. SACHEMMMMMMM!" I scream stabbing the hell hound in the throat. Blood slowly leaks from the wound. The blood soaks the wood. It thrashes around for a few seconds, but finally stops. Imagine how weird it looks having a Pokemon with an American Flag sticking out of it's throat. Gross, right?

"So… My math teacher was eaten by a Pokemon…" The beanie guy says breaking the silence.

Well, that just pretty much sums everything I'm thinking up…

**End Chapter Two**

_The Pinball Wizard: _So I was writing this chapter… and there was a huge ass spider on my lap… and I didn't even realize till Elliott was all like "L-Lanni! D-don't move!". I feel so…invaded… Anyway, I kind of liked writing this chapter. For some reason I have a soft spot for zombies, gore, and well…man-eating Pokemon. Kind of creepy, yes. But what the hell. Everyone has their own little things. Till next time…

**Next Chapter: Vs. Alazakam**


	3. Vs Alakazam

**Vs. Alakazam**

"_Stood and puffed your chest out like you never lost a war."_

_-Arctic Monkeys (Crying Lightning)_

"ATTENTION ALL STAFF AND STUDENTS," A voice blares through the loud speakers, "PLEASE EVACUATE THE PREMISES IN AN ORDERLY FASHION. I REPEAT. PLEASE EVAC-" The voice cuts short.

I look around at the people remaining in the classroom. There's four of them, including Roland. Though they all look completely different from each other, they all wear the same perplexed expression.

"N-NO!" The loudspeakers comes back on. All of us glance up at the loudspeakers. I think I hear what sounds like a lot of movement. "Please! Please don't!" Then there's a loud snapping noise.

Oh my god. I'm going to fucking die. I know it.

"I'm guessing they didn't sit down to discuss this over tea, huh?" The beanie boy says. Beanie as I shall now refer to him until I find out his real name, is a tad bit shorter than Roland. Some of his brown hair is visible, since it sticks out from the sides of his blue beanie. His hair seems to be a little wavy, or maybe that's because the cap is pressing down on it. His eyes are dark brown, very plain, yes. He wears a dark blue sweatshirt that reads Aeropostle across the front in bold white letters. He has on a pair of baggy blue jeans along with some black Converse High-Tops. I notice he's holding something in his right hand, but I can't see what it is from here clearly.

"Of course they didn't sit down and have some tea. She's dead. Just like the rest of us are going to be if we don't get out of here," The nerd with the huge stereotypical glasses crosses his arms, frowning. His hair is quiet similar to those Pokemon trainers called Super Poke' Nerd or whatever. Long, but not black. His hair is red. I guess you can say he looks a bit like Shaun White too. He has a mess of freckles all over his face. His eyes are a faded dark green leaning dangerously close to being brown. He wears a jet black t-shirt, even though today it is officially winter, a pair of white baggy jeans, or maybe they're sweatpants? I don't know. He has on a pair of bright red running shoes. I wanna call him Nerd, but it's so…blah. Ah what the hell. He'll be Nerd.

"Oh, stop your blubbering!" The only girl remaining in class says, waving her hands at Nerd. "You're scaring the children!" She motions towards Roland and I. She has on a pair of red and white polka dotted glasses over her blue eyes. Along with the freakish glasses she wears a cap like thing that has cat ears on the ends. Her hair is blonde with red streaks. Her white shirt reads "I LOVE GINTAMA! 3" in red letters. Her Capri's are tied into a bow at the ends. Her shoes are a pair of black and red gingham sneakers. Otaku. Yep. That's her name. Otaku.

"Well," Roland answers before Nerd has chance to respond to defend himself, "I think it's best we abide by the warning…and get out of here."

"Yeah, well look where that got her," Beanie shrugs as he points at the loudspeaker.

"Alright, wise ass," Roland snaps, "What do you suppose we do?"

Beanie rolls his eyes as if to say "I don't have time for this". But instead he says, "Look, I never said I didn't want to leave. It was just for a little comic relief…geez. I'm not going to stay here when cannibalistic Pokemon have overrun the school."

Dude. Does my dream have anything to do with today…or tomorrow? Or the next day? Or ten days from now? Was it just a coincidence? A horribly a inconvenient one at that. But it's just too eerily close… I mean Celebi sent a freaking spike through my stomach and then even had the courteousy to snap my neck.

"Jonas, are you even listening?" Roland shoves his palm against my shoulder. I stumble back a few inches.

"Uh…" I scratch my head nervously.

"Forget it," He crosses his arms and turns away from everyone.

I glance over at Beanie. He's just standing over by the window playing with something. I still can't see what it is from here. "What are we doing?" I ask.

"Standin' around till someone comes up with a plan, I guess," He shrugs. I peer over the desk he's standing beside.

Is that a fucking yo-yo?

He moves his hand up and down to go with the flow of his yellow yo-yo. Isn't he a little too old to be playing with a yo-yo? Maybe it's just to calm his nerves? Let's hope it's just that. A fucking yo-yo? Really?

"Why don't we just go through the window?" Otaku says, peering up the book she has sat to read.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Nerd says, running his hands through his long hair.

"So, we're using the windows?" I ask.

"Yeah, I guess," Beanie says, shoving his yo-yo into his sweatshirt pocket.

"It's not like we have any better ideas…" Otaku smiles, pulling her backpack on.

All of us turn towards the windows.

Off in the distance I see some of our fellow classmates and teachers fleeing the school grounds. Complete pandemonium. I watch in horror as freshmen get stampeded on by other students. No one seems to notices. Soon he disappears beneath the crowd.

"Are we sure we want to use the window?" I ask. I don't want to get stampeded on top of. It's just so…eww…

"What are you scared?" Nerd raises an eyebrow.

"Nah, he just doesn't want you to sprain something while climbing out the window," Beanie says before I have the chance to answer.

"Oh hoh, funny."

"G-Guys!" Otaku screams pointing over to the classroom door. The four of us immediately turn to the door.

"Another one?" Roland groans.

Argh. What's the name of that one Pokemon that's the evolution of Abra? Kadabra? No. It's the more powerful form of the two. It's the yellow one that has a weird little mustache kind of thing going on. Where ever there are joints and whatever else there are brown plates. It has a blood covered spoons in each hands. It has to extremely long pointed ears. Alakazam! That's it!

"Oh…shit…" Beanie is the first to back away towards the windows.

"Zamm…" It holds it's spoons towards us.

Suddenly Otaku is lifted into the air.

"Don't stand there! Fucking help me!" She wails.

"I'm not fucking with that thing!" I scream.

Nerd shoves me out of the way and sprints straight towards the Pokemon. He's got balls that's for sure. He hops on top off some desks with ease. Alakazam doesn't even seem to know what's going on. Nerd grabs the Pokemon by the mustache, turns around, then heaves it over his shoulders.

"CRACK!" The tiles on the floor break from the impact. Otaku falls to the ground, gasping for breathe.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Roland screams at Nerd.

What the fuck did he just do!? He just made that Pokemon his bitch! I think I need to change his nickname to Nerd Used Strength!

Suddenly the fallen Alakazam jabs it's spoon at Nerd. It hits him in the side. He seems to be in a bit of shock for a moment, but he gets over it quickly and proceeds to curb stomp it's face. At that point I turn away.

"Damn…" Beanie whistles.

"Damn is an understatement…" Roland says.

"Ew!" Otaku screeches, "It's blood is purple!"

Trying to tune them out. Trying to tune them out. All I hear is the cracking of bones and the mushing of flesh. Is Nerd laughing!? Nerd's not only super strong, he's a narcissist!? Watch. Now Otaku is going to have magical powers.

Nerd walks over to us, white pants now stained with blood, like nothing even happened.

"Explain, please," I say motioning towards the barely recognizable Pokemon.

"I take Martial Arts… I practice free running too," He smiles.

"I take back the comment I made earlier about you spraining something while going out the window," Beanie laughs.

"Thanks for saving me!" Otaku giggles. Nerd's face begins to light up different shades of red. He quickly turns away.

"So about that window…"

The Pinball Wizard: Well, it's been a good what? Five six months since this was updated. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! See you in another five to six months! LOLJK! I'll try to update faster. I just have too many things to update and work on. But never fear! The next chapter will be up soon enough.

**Next Chapter: VS. ODDISH**


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